歌词：David Allan Coe. Linda Lovelace.

Well, I've fucked 'em all from Coast to Coast...
Well you can talk about your lovers and your back door pimps.
You can talk about your hollywood Fags.

If you want to know the best love in the world then I'm the best mother-fucker alive
Jackie Onassis was a snuff queen for me before she ever got rich.
And it would take a man a day and a half just to satisfy that bitch.

Why the Queen of England gave me the keys to the whole damn Country of France
And it only took me 15 minutes to get into her pants.

Well, I've fucked 'em all from Coast to Coast, cause honey, that's my bag.

Fact, I'm the only guy in the world who can make Linda Lovelace Gag

doot doot doot duh...

Now it ain't that my dick's so goddamn big, it's just that I know how to use.
I'll never let no nickle-dime whore ever get the chance to abuse it.
They can suck it for hours and hours on end, but I'll still be in control.
And I won't cum 'til I wanna cum, cause that's my jelly-roll.

Now they're ain't no woman, no match for me, I've had 'em try to wear me down.
I've fucked them barmaids, and bankclerks, I even fucked a circus clown.
Teachers and Lawyers doctors and more, them fat women sure are a drag,


I tell you I'm the only motherfucker in the world that can make Linda Lovelace gag.

Well, old Harry Reams fall apart at the seams when he saw me fuck that whore.
She sucked my dick and swallowed my nuts, and I still hollered for more.
She sucked my asshole, she sucked my toes, she's the suckinest bitch alive.
I made her call up two more cunts, and friend that at no jive.

She don't give me no shit about being no big time lover.
Some movie star with a jag.
Cause you ain't shit...
If you can't get Linda lovelace to gag.

And don't talk about being no full-time lover, cause mister, that's my bag.

I'm the only motherfucker in the damn world that can make Linda Lovelace gag.

doot doot doot